I besought Him to give me some work to do for Him, as an outlet for love and gratitude, some self-denying service, no matter what it might be, however trying or however trivial; something with which He would be pleased, and that I might do for Him who had done so much for me. Well do I remember, as in unreserved consecration I put myself, my life, my friends, my all, upon the altar, the deep solemnity that came over my soul with the assurance that my offering was accepted. The presence of God because unutterably real and blessed; and though but a child under sixteen, I remember stretching myself on the ground, and lying there silent before Him with unspeakable awe and unspeakable joy.
For what service I was accepted, I knew not; but a deep consciousness that I was no longer my own took possession of me, which has never since been effaced.
I told him that God had called my to spend my life in missionary service in that land. "And how do you propose to go there?" he inquired. I answered that i did not at all know; that it seemed to me probable that i should need to do as the Twelve and the Seventy had done in Judea - go without purse or scrip, relying on Him who had called me to supply all my need. Kindly placing his hand upon my shoulder, the minister replied, "Ah, my boy, as you grow older you will get wiser than that. Such an idea would do very well in the days when Christ Himself was on earth, but not now."
I have grown older since then, but now wiser. I am more than ever convinced that if we were to take the directions of our Master and the assurances He gave to His first disciples more fully as our guide, we should find them to be just as suited to our times as to those in which they were originally given. (p.16)
Adapted from pages 21-27:
My experience was that the less I spent on myself and the more I gave away, the fuller of happiness and blessing did my soul become. Unspeakable joy all the day long, and every day, was my happy experience. God, even my God, was a living, bright reality; and all I had to do was joyful service. ...At such times it almost seemed to me as if Heaven were begun below, and that all that could be looked for was an enlargement of one's capacity for joy, not a truer filling than I possessed.
One night a poor man asked me to go and pray with his wife, saying that she was dying. Up a miserable flight of stairs, into a wretched room, he led me; and oh, what a sight there presented itself to our eyes! Four or five poor children stood about, their sunken cheeks and temples all telling unmistakably the story of slow starvation.
Immediately it occurred to me that all the money I had in the world was in one coin. I was not yet prepared to trust Him only, without any money at all in my pocket. Somehow or other there was at once a stoppage in the flow of joy in my heart. It will scarcely seems strange that I was unable to say much to comfort these people. I needed comfort myself. I began to tell them, however, that they must not be cast down, that though their circumstances were very distressing, there was a kind and loving Father in Heaven; but something within me said, "You hypocrite, telling these unconverted people about a kind and loving Father in Heaven, and not prepared yourself to trust him without half a crown!" I was nearly choked.
To talk was impossible under these circumstances; yet, strange to say, I thought I should have no difficulty in praying. Prayer was a delightful occupation to me in those days; time thus spent never seemed wearisome, and I knew nothing of lack of words. I seemed to think that all I should have to do would be to kneel down and engage in prayer, and that relief would come to them and to myself together. But scarcely had I opened my lips with "Our Father who art in heaven" than conscience said within, "Dare you mock God? Dare you kneel down and call him Father with that half crown in your pocket?" Such a time of conflict came upon me then as I have never experienced before or since.
Just then the word flashed into my mind, "Give to him that asketh of thee." And in the word of a King there is great power! I put my hand in my pocket, and slowly drawing forth the half crown, gave it to the man, telling him that it might seem a small matter to him, but that in parting with that coin I was giving him all I had to live on, and that what I had been trying to tell him was indeed true - God really was a Father, and might be trusted.
The joy all came back in full flood tide to my heart; and the hindrance to blessing was gone. Not only was the poor woman's life saved, but I realized that my life was saved too! It might have been a wreck - would have been a wreck probably - had not grace at that time conquered, and the striving of God's Spirit been obeyed. I well remember how that night, as I went home to my lodgings, my heart was as light as my pocket. When I took my basin of gruel before retiring that night, I would not have exchanged it for a prince's feast.
The next morning a postman's knock was heard on the door. I was not in the habit of receiving letters on Monday, as my parents and most of my friends refrained from posting on Saturday; so that I was somewhat surprised when the landlady came in holding a packet in her wet hand. It was either a strange hand or a feigned one, and the postmark was blurred. Where it came from I could not tell. On opening the envelope I found nothing written within, but inside was a folded pair of kid gloves, from which, as I opened them in astonishment, half a sovereign fell to the ground.
I cannot tell you how often my mind has returned to this incident, or all the help it has been to me in circumstances of later difficulty. If we are faithful to God in little things, we shall gain experience and strength that will be helpful to us in the more serious trials of life."
